... there is excitement, nervousness and joy. My kids are writing exams which explains some of the three feelings...
Stephanie is working extremely hard to finish off her final year, final exam and final paper with conviction and determination. She has been absent from the Internet, from the phone and from the outside world. I accept that and wait patiently for her to emerge into the real world. How glorious it will be when she comes out and sees the sun and the flowers for the first time this spring. Even though she is walking to school each day, past melting snowbanks and freshly raked homes, she is not seeing the crocus peeking out and the tulip leaf spears shooting up from the flower beds. She is looking straight ahead, thinking about the end. The end of school. A way of life for the past 18 years.
Michelle and Scott, both in the middle of exams as well. Not so final, as they have one more year to go at St. FX. But they are filled with excitement, nervousness and joy because they have some big events coming in their lives.... New jobs... both of them... for the summer... at St. FX. A new apartment in the Nish.... their first. They have been compiling furniture, organizing paperwork, scrapping the barrel for first month's rent. They are planning the move from Dorms for Mick, to Scott's basement... then both of their things from Scott's apt to "THE" apt... moving a purchased livingroom set from a friend on a certain day... via cab. Then we arrive early in May with a truck load of things we have collected. They are expecting new arrivals at the end of may and are planning for that as well. Two little girl and one little boy Guinea pigs were born on the weekend and Michelle and Scott will be the proud parents of the two little girls. That means constructing a little home for them, obtaining special permission from the landlord (even though there was a no pet policy) and planning visits to the piggie nursery for visits.
My sister is back home and back to her busy life. A great hubby, 3 daughters, 6 grandchildren all keeping her life full. All are happy, healthy and finding their way.
All around me....though.... I have friends who are filled with sadness, heartache and despair. The sadness of ailing parents is deep and stressful. When you have to face the reality of your parents' lives changing and yours changing with it. Its so hard. Not one but two of my friends are sitting bedside, holding hands with their parent, waiting for the end. I have friends, not one but two, who are in the middle of marriage break ups, one involving kids, the other involving the fear of being alone, and never being needed. Both issues are so painful and deep in a woman's soul. I have friends who are struggling with health issues and fears. Coming to terms with your own mortality is another one of those life changing events that can go either way...
Within me ..... I am filled with hope, peace and strength... to share with my friends. In their times of trouble and sadness I look at my own life, with its joy, excitement and love and I draw strength. I am thankful for my healthy children who have found independence and happiness, I am thankful for my husband who is calm, understanding and loving. I am thankful for the gift of my dad, who is strong and positive, even in his depleted quality of life, living with his daughter, having to struggle with each movement, always funny...always calm.
How lucky am I to have the friends and family that I do. I can't answer that because there is no way to measure.