Saturday, October 25, 2008

A Fall Drive

Sometimes when your sad, nothing can bring you out of it. I was in quite a slump over the past month, and every thing seemed muted. I was so worried that I would miss the fall. I miss my dad and I didn't realize how much until this fall. The summer was filled with freedom, quiet, solitude and family. Everyday, I would think of dad, and depending on what was happening I would think... wow, I couldn't have done this if Dad was here (mostly trips, renovations, weird meals, hee hee) or I would think.. wow, Dad would have loved this... what ever it was. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't still say "I can't believe he is gone". It all happened sooo fast.
The fall was the start of many things.... Routine.....like school, normal meal times, TV shows, sports and activities that I am involved in. Its not something you consciencely think about but it creeps into your body. Sadness, an emptiness.... it sort of just took over... because I didn't feel it coming on and it just got the best of me.... Once I recognised it.. I couldn't get rid of it.... so I stewed... I sat in silence.... everything just seemed dull.
I figured it out, after a while, and had a few good snotting cries, whether I wanted to or not and I talked about it... Talking about it is the key Even though I hate talking about such depressing stuff, it worked... I can start to enjoy life again, and cry when I need to, but then is back to fall colors, fun friends, quiet mornings, and my family.
The valley is gorgeous.... Terry and I took a fall drive and I just happened to have my camera... At the very top of the mountain, we travelled a few roads we have NEVER been on... the view was amazing... and the cows were as curious about us as we were about them....
The Nictaux dam and falls is at the very end of the Nictaux Canal that we enjoy kayaking on. I think it might be a little difficult to kayak through these rapids but they sure were pretty to look at... the canal ends in a pond, no where near these falls, so there isn't any risk of going down by mistake. Believe me I made sure of that!
Many years ago, we grew hundreds of these color corn cobs with our friend Fred in Lawrencetown. I always have warm feelings when I see these..... we tied them up with paper ribbon and sold them. The Blue Jays make short work of them when I use them outside... but I would rather they got them then the compost ... anyway...

8 comments:

SAM said...

Slumps are tough.....I feel as though I have been in one myself....losing someone is so difficult....
I hope you feel better.....I will be thinking about you!

GailM. said...

I could tell you've been down. I do miss Dad too, but he was such a big part of your daily life, I can only imagine how it must be difficult for you.

Jill said...

I can only imagine how much and how often you miss your dad. I hope that as time passes, it gets just a little easier for you.

Love ya!
Jill

Taryn said...

My trick is just to feel the feeling. Recognize and welcome it...it is doing its cleaning job so you can heal.

cricket said...

My husband takes very early Sunday morning drives without any of us. He says the drives are time put aside to think about, talk to, cry for and feel his dad's presence. We all figure out our own way of grieving but it is the figuring out how that can be exhausting and sad. I always think of you and your dad. Feel better.....

cpm said...

Time heals many things... and good friends do too! We're all here for you when you need us...as you ALWAYS are for us! Love you tons

donnadee said...

I have days like that up here. Cannot go for a drive anywhere. It helped to see the pictures of your drive. Makes me miss home again but I think it is good to miss what you have sometimes. Makes you appreciate things even more when you get back to them! Take Care Donna P. We need a walk and a chat again sometime. Maybe at the cottage next summer.

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Wondering if you can tell me more about the Nictaux Canal? i am considering making a move down there and the place I am looking at is on Varner Mtn Rd on the #10 hwy. I understand there are safe areas and unsafe areas and wonder which one this would be classed as? I have two labs who will always be trying to go in the water and would be horrified if the current was too strong for them there. Do you know the area well? Can you tell me about this spot?